Huh...

Raa, Kaiine, Kay Kay, and Emily will probably best understand this post...sorry to anyone who does not. E-mail me questions at ashiracartel@yahoo.com if you're really that curious. I get enough questions about it, I'll post my answer in a blog post. Continuing:

I just realized something about myself... something I figured I should mention to anyone who's following me on my spiritual journey:

I was just lying here in bed, I was thinking to myself about how I wanted Ses to call, how I wanted to spend my future, and then my mind wandered it's way to the unfinished homework I had at the foot of my bed and to the alarm for 4 a.m. that I had set so I could get it done and still get to school on time. In the house in my head, I was sitting on the couch and thought out loud "I wonder if my alarm will even get me up..." I checked the clock: about 11 p.m. That's 3...4...5 hours of sleep if I fall asleep now... I changed my alarm to around 4:30 in the morning. Yeah, that'll make a damn difference. I sighed to myself and Cartel glanced over. Then, just out of random, tired humor, I put my hands together, looked to the sky, and said "Dear lord...if you are there...please let me get up in the morning and finish my homework. I really need the grade." Cartel and I snickered, him making a comment about how there is no God and that's why the comment was funny. I knew Saide had smiled at the lame excuse for a joke as he finished up doing the dishes and making a quick, late dinner in our mental kitchen.

Then I thought about it seriously for a second. Then it just kinda hit me. I believe in a higher power of some sort, I always have, but praying just never seemed to be a sollution. I mean, it's not like it even seems like it would be one - folding your hands, closing your eyes, and telepathically telling a possibly false deity and a dead guy named Jesus that you want to get up at 4 in the morning just to get past high school is a tad...well...psychotic - but what did that mean for me? Well, simply put it means this: I believe in a higher force, a Creator, but not a Guardian Creator. In that sense, I believe that our Creator made us and left it at that. It doesn't "watch over us" like many people would think it would, and it doesn't listen to our prayers, as well as it doesn't pay much of a mind to us as its children. I mean, I'll betcha if it created this place it can peek in every so often, but it doesn't watch over all of us individually...because BOY that would take up its time...and, I mean, it's the Creator of all things. Doesn't it have better things to do than sit around lazily and then answer a cry of help when every single high-school kid is saying "please help me make the grade and get the hell out of high school"? If it's as most Christians say, and it does waste it's time watching over each and every one of us, I wonder just how many eyes that freak in the sky's got and how hard its job really is.

But yeah. That's one big step... that helps me narrow my beliefs down to this:
First off, there IS a higher force. Man is most certainly NOT at the top of everything and all.
Secondly, reincarnation is what happens, one way or another. My specific beliefs about reincarnation are too long to specify here [e-mail or whatever if you're just that curious >.>], but all in all I believe that at least a PART of you goes into the creation and/or re-making of another soul.
Thirdly, we are all one.
Lastly, the creator is nothing more than that: a creator. From there, it's job is done as far as you're concerned. You go your separate ways because you've got things to do and so does it.