Penny for Your Thou-College Fund?

I've been thinking a lot about my future lately, been talking to a lot of people, been trying to just figure everything out, and I've come to the obvious realization... this stuff is complicated.

To narrow it down, I've given myself a time limit and certain subjects to be concerned about. Specifically, I'm trying to think of where I want to be in my life about two years from now, and how I want to acomplish those goals. Two of my main goals for that time is to have a car and an appartment. Two years is NOT a lotta time for those huge financial ventures in a time where I'm gonna be thinking about and going to college as well...but I'm hoping I'll make it nonetheless.

I want to have a car first, then I'll focus on the appartment. The appartment is important to have before Rue comes home so him and I can move in together as soon as he's back [for anyone who's confused, Rue is going to Utah for Job Corps for two years some time this month, latest of November, and that's where I get my 2-year-time-limit thing]. I'm hoping I'll get an appartment some time around 6 months after I turn 18. In other words...I needa car before I turn 18 [so I drive to the job that I'll somehow have], and I'm not sure how I'll be getting it... beg for a mega awesome super birthday present? Haha I wish.

Moving on though: I'll be doing online school over this upcoming summer, graduating a semester early, and having a job that I magically get in between there so that I can save for a Christmas vacation I'm planning on taking next year [Can't wait to see you Ses! :3] and more. From there on it's nothing but save, save, save for a car unless my parents ever so kindly lend me some money to get one...in that case it'd be a lot of paying off this loan and much less saving. Anyhoo... regardless of how it all specifically goes down, I need a car and an appartment soon after I get a job, and the car I might need before [depending on where my job is].

Another thing on my list is college... What I want to do is go to Front Range [nearby community college] and save some money, then later on when I've gone there for my freshman and sophmore years, I assume I'll have a much better idea of where I specifically wanna go plus what I wanna major and minor in, so that's as far as my college ideas go. I am excited to experience college though! I want to graduate cuz I'm sick of high school, and I'm ready for something new. Something I know that thus far isn't a dying interest is art school, and the possiblity of becoming a tattoo artist. If I don't pursue that, I just might become an editor, a director, or something totally different that'll come to me later in life.

Other than that I have few other plans... I know I'll be moving in with my friend Emily, I'm working on books and figuring out things so that I can get myself a bit better known [cuz I wanna be able to publish a book in a few years...it'd be nice], and to make the next big step in my relationship when Rue gets back [in other words, move in with him].

I wanna enjoy my life in the meantime and not concern myself too much with my work ethic or my future or all those stressful things until Rue is in Utah and I have more time to myself to think about those things anyway. I'm excited to move forward in life, but until things really start moving I'm not going to think much about it all - it's draining me to be honest. It's funny though to think of that, cuz this time 2 years ago I was stressing out about how my plans for the future were falling apart, and not reaching the standards I was hoping for. I was frustrated that I had open spots in my plans, and I was angry that I had my life planned out perfectly up until I turned 30 and then it all went to shit. Now, however, I'm happy that there's blank spots. I'm still planning, but I'm also planning to plan, if that makes sense. I know well enough that I'll be spending my time in the future enjoying things, learning more, understanding certain things in my life better, and maturing, and once I hit a time where I can more clearly and speicifically fill in the blanks, I'll begin to. Until then I'm going to take my time, enjoy life for what it's worth, and just be happy that I'm not concerned about every little puzzle peice being in it's specific, right place. Who would want to stress themselves out that much?

Are you bi-curious?

My friend posted a note on Facebook that was terrible enough to almost reach me to tears. It was depressing to be able to see cruelty on that kind of sickening level, and I felt that it not only tore him down, but it tore me down as well. I've put it below so that you can read it and understand what I mean, but just skip anything that's indented if you feel that you can't handle it. He just copied and pasted his conversation, so "You" refers to him, and of course "Stranger" refers to whoever the hell had the nerve to be that cruel:

Stranger: no
You: nope...
You: I'm full out gay :D
Stranger: enjoy hell
You: Oh, I will, ignorant whore
Stranger: you say that know till your flesh is burning off for al etrinty
You: oh, you really ARE smart aren't you?
Stranger: smart enough not to piss God off by doing what he ask us not to do
You: obviously he knows everything, and just hates gays enough to make me anorexic, an insomniac, nervous, and oh! What do you know?? I'm LIKED you christian bitch
Stranger: he doesnt hate you just the sin that you continue to do over and over
You: you honestly think i would CHOOSE THIS?????
Stranger: yes
You: I get books, rocks, food, pens, etc thrown at me EVERY DAY.... still think I fucking like that??
Stranger: gay is not a gene like how tall you will be or the color of your eyes
Stranger: you must or you would stop
You: it's not a choice
Stranger: it is to
You: YOU EXPLAIN HOW YOU'RE STRAIGHT!!
Stranger: easy i deside not to fuck other men and to be attracted to women
Stranger: like that
You: then why is it said that god loves ALL his children??? Am I not a person
Stranger: he does love you just not te sin you are doing =)
You: WHAT SIN???
Stranger: never said he hated you
You: IS IT A SIN TO LOVE????
Stranger: its not a sin to love its a sin to fuck another man
Stranger: ts adam and eve not adam and steve
You: I'm a fucking virgin... I've only ever been looked at once!! I thought about killing myself for years... just to stop people like you to keep taking my medication
Stranger: it sad that you have picked this road from the start
You: what road???
Stranger: chosing to be gay and the road to killing yourself
Stranger: but its not to late change your ways and ask forgivness from him
You: to change my ways... I got help, I'm not suicidal anymore, and I take anti-depressants... what do I need forgiveness for???
Stranger: for desiding to be gay
You: do you know how that makes me feel???
Stranger: dont realy care
Stranger: really*
You: so what?? all gay people are worthless???
Stranger: where did i say that?
You: fine.. what is WRONG with us?
Stranger: your sinning by laying with other men and women and that is agenest God's law
You: oh really? and you have direct contact with god?
Stranger: I do its called the Bible
You: ...that is a peice of shit.... I like the stories, but if anyone dared MAKE me read it, I would just stop and walk away from them.. I really do respect all religions, when when it's pushed in my FACE, I get pretty fucking pissed off. What makes you so perfect? I'm an athiest, but I've NEVER hurt anyone. I've NEVER done anything truly wrong. I've TRIED to be straight... but I'm not. There is no sin that I have committed that is even vaguly connected to that
You: I have gone through years of bullying, and I didn't do anything about it, I let people walk all over me, and honestly, I really hate it when this of all fucking things is forced at me by someone I have the pleasure of not seeing.
Stranger: there is your 1st problem you dont believe so living in sin is normal and seems ok and right with you but when you discover that there is an Almighty God you will understand
You: I understand that there is something out there, but I have different beliefs, so respect that
Stranger: you just said your athiest that means you believe in nothing
You: I don't have a religion, because almost ALL of them are homophobic, just like you
Stranger: Im not homophobic i just know its wrong and i dont surround myself with that kind of thing and if all of them in your words are "Homophobic" that means its wrong
You: you are.. what you just said proves it
Stranger: doesnt im not scared of homos at all
Stranger: phobic= scared of
You: no, you are scared that you are gay, as if it's a virus, spreading to any person it can, just to drag them to hell
Stranger: Im not scared of anything about it I disagree with it. its not a virus its a choise
You: ...you're kidding me... it's NEVER been a choice for me, you honestly think any 14 year old would LIKE to be gay, to be harrased, to not even let in to his sister's wedding??
Stranger: if it was a virus people would look for a cure for it and you do have a choice 14 or not you just dont want to give it up
You: it's people like you who cause suicides, the fact you openly say that anyone who is gay is going to hell, no matter what they do, they could be amazing people, who work with the poor, and help everyone they can, even if they would give their own life up for someone else... you have the balls to say that that person would go to hell.....
Stranger: and i have gay friens and if its a virus why havent i cought it or my other friends that a straight why dont they magicaly trunned lesbian and gay? because its something you want to be
You: dear god! You honestly think I MEANT it's a virus??? It's not, and it's NOT a choice
Stranger: well if its not a choice it not a virus and not a gene what s it?
You: it's a part of you
Stranger: and i do have the balls to say they would go to hell because they are desiding to do wrong things
Stranger: no its not you dumb little shit head
You: and who are YOU to say what the wrong things are???
Stranger: I never said I was the guy to say whats wrong but God is and HE says it is
You: how do you know that?? And don't give me the shit excuse that it's in the bible
Stranger: the fact that it is in the Bible is all i need
Stranger: you dont like that because you know its true
You: people like you..... it's people like YOU who deserve to go to hell
You: and that should be in your damn bible
Stranger: why because im right and you are facing the music that your wrong
You: You know what, just go, and fuck yourself like you like, then come back, and if you DARE say anything homophobic, I WILL hunt you down
Stranger: you know what go kill yourself your life and this world will be better for it
You: haha, I say hi to your lover, and say I feel sorry for them
Stranger: you little faggot
You: DONT YOU DARE USE THAT WORD
Stranger: FAGGOT
Stranger: HOMO
Stranger: DICK SUCKER
You: YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO SAY THAT
Stranger: say what FAGGOT
Stranger: QUEER
You: STOP IT!!
Stranger: stop what FAGGOT
You: STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!!
Stranger: what one QUEER OR FAGGOT
You: BOTH!
Stranger: fine QUEERBAIT
You: STOP CALLING ME NAMES!
Stranger: YOU FUCKING FAIRY
You: OH FUCK NO... I AM SICK OF PUTTING UP WITH PEOPLE LIKE YOU, AND I REFUSE TO DO SO
Stranger: you CUM GUZZLING HOMO FAGGOT QUEER
You: STOP IT!
You: PLEASE!
Stranger: or wait you weak pussy fair faggot
You: fine... what do you want from me?
Stranger: to admitt that you know your wrong
Stranger: and mean it
You: I'm not wrong.....
Stranger: yes you are you fucking fairy faggot
You: ...no
Stranger: yes or it wouldnt hurt so bad you dick licking fairy queerbait pussy fag
You: STOP IT!!
Stranger: FUCK YOU FAIRY
You: I"M NOT A FAIRY
Stranger: yes you are gay guy queer
You: yes, I am gay, but I'm NOT a FUCKING FAIRY
Stranger: you are to you faggot
You: I'M NOT A FAIRY
You: STOP IT
Stranger: yes you are fairy boy
You: how could I get you to stop?
Stranger: already told you
You: but....
Stranger: do it
You: I'm....
Stranger: because i have got alot more things i could say
You: ....
Stranger: say it and mean it and change your ways
You: but... I like who I am....
Stranger: o you dont you just complained about it
You: I may not like my circumstances, but I like myself as a person
Stranger: then get use to it you fucking pice of shit fairy faggot dick licking homo
You: ....I'm not a peice of shit...
Stranger: your right your a fucking fairy
You: stop it.... please....
Stranger: no
Stranger: i cant help it its part of me i dont have a say in what an asshole i can be
You: you don't even know what it's like......
Stranger: no i do im an asshole and its just pat of me and i like it
Stranger: im not going to stop
You: please.....just stop.....
Stranger: fuck you fairy
You: fine...
Stranger: see how stupid that point is of yours is its part of me
Stranger: you desided to be gay i choise to be an asshole
You: i didn't descide it
Stranger: sure you shit fairy faggot just like I idnt deside to be an asshole
You: just stop...please...I'll do anything other than that....
Stranger: no you fairy change your ways
You: I can't...
Stranger: you can
You: no.. i cant...
Stranger: you can
You: no I can't
You: just because you keep saying it doesn't make it true
You have disconnected.

He didn't deserve that kind of treatment. Nobody does. Thus begins my arguement:

I'll start here: He doesn't have the right to say that anyone will go to Hell. If he personally believes that someone will go to hell, then good for him. He doesn't have the right to decide it though. [Provided there is one] Only God decides who does and who doesn't go to Hell. End of story.

Next... To the comments "Ignorant Whore" and "Christian Bitch"... Now I do disagree with pestering someone right off the bat just for their beliefs. This guy was obviously just voicing [inappropriately] that he believes that as a homosexual, you'll be damned to hell and all that my friend did was call him names. That is wrong and intollerant...but I'll overlook that because as the conversation continues, we quickly realize that this guy was obviously just getting a taste of the Karma that'll hit him much harder later in life.

Thirdly and fourth, choice and genes. Is homosexuality a choice? Why or why not? I'll admit that it could be, but in certain situations it's not. Take a look at this to understand what I mean. If that's not enough, then look at this.

Next: DON'T SHOVE YOUR RELIGION DOWN ANYONE'S THROAT. IT'S NOT APPRICIATED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. Thank you.

Lastly... Faggot is not an ok word. It is on the same level of severity as nigger in almost every situation. It is a word that is only unquestioned when used among homosexuals. That is my opinion at least, and I'm sure many people agree with me. Name calling as a whole is wrong, bullying is wrong, and what this guy did to my friend is harrassment and bullying on a whole new level. It's cruel and unusual. Please support me and others for causes like this here:

http://www.itgetsbetter.org/